Couples Therapy

When couples come to see me

Some couples arrive after a specific event: an affair, a decision about children, a move, a betrayal of trust. Others arrive because of something slower and harder to name, the same argument recurring for years, a growing distance, a sense of living alongside each other rather than with each other.

Couples often come later than they might have. If you have been thinking about it for a while, that is ordinary rather than a failure.

I also work with couples who are not in difficulty but want to prepare well, before marriage, before a first child, or at another significant transition.

How I work with couples

We usually begin with an assessment across the first few sessions. That normally includes seeing you together, and seeing each of you individually, so that I understand each person’s history and perspective as well as the pattern between you. I then set out what I think is happening and what I suggest we work on.

Much of the work concerns the cycle you get into rather than the content of any particular argument. Most couples find they are having the same disagreement in many different costumes. Recognising that cycle, and learning to interrupt it, changes more than winning any single round of it.

I am also interested in what each of you brought into the relationship before you met. Couples rarely fall into a pattern by accident. The pattern usually fits something older in both people, and understanding that tends to reduce how much blame is in the room.

What I do not do

I do not take sides, and I will not tell you whether to stay together. That decision is yours and it is not mine to make.

I do not work with couples where there is ongoing physical violence.

Practical details:

Couples sessions are available at 60 minutes for £150, 75 minutes for £180, 90 minutes for £210, and 120 minutes for £270.

Most couples start with 60 minutes. Longer sessions suit the early assessment work, where there is a lot of history to cover, or where a single sitting needs to reach a resolution rather than stop partway. We can decide together what fits.

Sessions take place in person in Wimbledon or online. In-person is usually better for couples work, particularly at the start.

Full details, including cancellation terms, are on the fees page.