What counts as trauma

People often hesitate to use the word, on the basis that what happened to them was not severe enough, or happened a long time ago, or is something other people seem to have survived without difficulty.

Trauma is not a ranking of events. It describes what happens when an experience overwhelms your capacity to process it at the time, and the nervous system continues to respond as though the danger has not passed.

That can follow a single event: an accident, an assault, a frightening birth, a sudden loss. It can also follow something extended and less visible, such as a childhood where you were not safe, a relationship where you were controlled, or years in an environment you could not leave.

How trauma shows up later

Trauma often does not present as a memory. It presents as a startle response that is too quick. Sleep that will not come. Anger that arrives out of proportion. Numbness, or a sense of watching your own life from outside it. Avoiding places, people or conversations without quite knowing why.

Many people have had these symptoms for years without connecting them to what happened.

How I work with trauma

The most important thing to say is that you do not have to tell me what happened in order for us to work.

We usually begin with stability: your capacity to stay present, to notice when you are becoming overwhelmed, and to bring yourself back. Only when that feels reliable, and only if you want to, do we approach the experience itself. Some people choose not to, and useful work is still possible.

I should be straightforward that there is real debate in the field about this. Some evidence suggests that people who are already stable do just as well going directly to the memory, and that delaying can hold up treatment that would have helped. Other work supports a staged approach, particularly where someone is highly dysregulated. It is a clinical judgement made with you rather than a rule.

What I hold to is that the pace is yours. Where trauma began in relationship, the experience of being with someone who is steady, who does not push, and who can be trusted to stop when you say stop, is part of the treatment rather than the setting for it.

I will say if I think we are moving too fast, and you can say the same to me.

Other approaches you may want to know about

There are structured, trauma-focused treatments with strong evidence behind them, including EMDR, cognitive processing therapy and prolonged exposure. I do not offer those, and if I think one of them would serve you better than what I do, I will say so and help you find someone who provides it.

What to expect

Sessions are 50 or 75 minutes, in Wimbledon or online, beginning with a free fifteen-minute conversation. Many people working with trauma prefer the longer session, because it allows time to settle before the end.

Weekly matters here more than elsewhere, because a reliable rhythm is part of what makes the work feel safe. If that is not possible for you, say so at the start and we will build around what is realistic.