This page is about working on your own

If you and a partner want to come together, couples therapy is the page you want. This one is about the work people do individually on the relationships in their life.

The patterns that repeat

Most people who come for this reason have noticed something recurring. The same kind of partner. The same point at which things fall apart. The same difficulty saying no, or asking for what they need, or being close without losing themselves.

Recognising the pattern rarely dissolves it. People often arrive able to describe it precisely and still unable to stop doing it, which is frustrating and is also entirely normal. Patterns like these were usually learned early, at a stage where they were a sensible adaptation to the circumstances you were in. They persist because they were once useful.

What this work involves

We look at what you learned about closeness, conflict and dependence, and where you learned it. Not to allocate blame, but because those early conclusions are still operating and are still shaping what you expect from other people.

We also pay attention to what happens between us. Relationship patterns do not stay outside the consulting room. They turn up in the therapy itself, which means they can be noticed and worked with as they happen rather than only reported afterwards. For many people this is the point at which something shifts.

Alongside that we work on the practical layer: boundaries, saying difficult things, tolerating someone’s disappointment without immediately repairing it.

This work is not only about romantic relationships. Some of the most useful work I do concerns friendships, adult relationships with parents, and colleagues.

What to expect

Sessions are 50 or 75 minutes, in Wimbledon or online, beginning with a free fifteen-minute conversation.

Weekly gives the work the most continuity, particularly at the start, though we can find a rhythm that fits your circumstances.